Yesterday my friend had called me up and he told me that his mother had seen a girl for him and he might get engaged to her in another couple of months... this was a very happy news for me... :) This friend of mine, the one of the very few best and closest friends of mine is at last getting ready for his engagement and in turn for his marriage... I sensed some kind of tension in his voice... but didn't speak to him much about the same yesterday...
Today I was free in the noon and thought of speaking to him to learn more about what exactly is happening about this 'girl' he is supposed to see in the days to come.... but unfortunately... I got a cross connection with another number... and couldn't speak to my friend after that...
Now around 11:00 PM, 5th of September 2010, my friend called me up to give me more updates... he shared with me the link to the girl's facebook profile... since I am not on facebook, later I asked him to send me the 'print screen' photographs of the girl from facebook. And here is when I took over as a master in the subject of talking to girls... and he became my most favourite disciple. :D
Like all guys R did ask me how the girl is... of course he isn't worried about the looks... but he meant... how the girl matched with the overweight himself!!! My friend is around 100 KGs and he isn't sure of how girls might like him when he approaches them to either make friends or for marriage.. also his history doesn't give him enough confidence to approach girls head-on. From then on.. I put on a 'master' or a 'teacher' thinking cap and started giving him gyan about what he should ask and what he should expect from the girl.
Even though I didn't tell all these in points, it helps me simplify for the sake of writing this blog to put my thoughts about how to approach a girl in points... And these are the exact few things I told R when speaking to him over phone.
These points are purely my point of view and doesn't directly say anything about how a girl expects her man to be...
And moreover these points are for an average Indian or to be specifically for a South Indian or to be even more specifically for a Kannadiga from Bangalore.
Start the conversation by giving a small appreciation - may be about how she looks like (beauty, or dressing) or even thanking her for coming out to talk to him can be a good ice breaker.
Crack a few light hearted and decent jokes to make the conversation go smoothly and to avoid the pressure of being involved in a serious talk.
Once the initial conversation is done and you know for sure that you can get into deeper and heavier topics, start asking a simple one....
For eg. the simple question can be about her interests, hobbies, education, etc. and nothing about her family or history or friends
Asking about ones history or friends or at times about family can put a person into a defensive state.
If the girl is still studying, then get to know her interests in working after the completion of her education or in case the girl seems to be an excellent student, then get to know her interests in pursuing higher studies.
Also let her know about your interests in either allowing the girl to go for higher education/work etc after marriage. If you both can come to a consensus about what each one of you might want to do after marriage (esp. related to career) should you continue with the other questions... Otherwise it is better to stop the conversation then and there it self and then start searching for another bride for yourself.
One important point to take note of when going for a talk with the girl is to know that you are actually trying to know the girl and not interviewing her in anyway even though 'knowing' the girl might involve asking a few questions. So avoid questions which might need long explanation or which might only need a 'yes/no' answers.
One should avoid 'yes/no' questions as much as possible. If a person is only giving a yes or a no to your questions... then it might mean 2 things... you aren't asking the right questions... or she might not be interested in you. Since it can be difficult to know which one of these 2 is the actual case it is better to always avoid 'yes/no' questions. (some of you might even want to add 'may be' to list of options ;))
When in a conversation try to avoid cryptic answers to the questions asked by the girl... give enough details and also hide enough of it to make the girl more interested in you to know that 'hidden' part of your answer to her question.
Understand she is also another human being and she too can/may have her own dreams about her man. Respect her decisions... And also understand that she will be doing a lot of sacrifices once she gets married to you. Dont ever try to bullshit her questions/ideals/dreams.
If in case during the conversation you realise that she is not the one for you... continue to respect her... and end the conversation gracefully... you may not get married to her... but at least you have gained a respect of a woman... (which may or may not help you in future ;))
Only talk about yourself if you are asked to. otherwise mostly listen to what she has to say to your questions....
If in case you need to tell her or make a point about your interests or responsibilities which she may have to share after marriage, but she isn't asking you anything about it... then try to ask her a question in the similar lines... most of the times... this can back-fire a question or 2 on the same grounds.
Even after your tries if she isn't asking you the question you want to very much answer to... then tell her about it as part of an answer to another related question or tell her directly what you need to tell her.
If you are particular about the way she has to dress or follow certain religious rituals strictly, then it is better to let her know about it before hand and also it is best to know what she expects from you.
If at any point of your conversation you realise that she isn't listening to you anymore, then it might mean that you have over-spoken with her and stop the conversation gracefully at the very moment. Otherwise it might also mean that she has lost interest in you and it is better to stop the conversation even then.
Before concluding tell her how good it was to know about her in the available time and how much you appreciate her. If you have really liked the girl, then also let her know you would want to meet her again to know more about her.
Gracefully concluding the conversation is as important as starting the conversation and continuing the same throughout. So be nice to the lady...
If the girl is not from the same religion or caste, then knowing girl's religion/culture is very important. It helps in more ways than I can explain in this blog.
The above list is not a comprehensive and one may not follow it exactly when he meets a girl for the first time... but these points say what I would mostly do if I had to meet a girl who might become my life partner.
As mentioned earlier... this view is from a mind of a person who is very much an Indian, a South Indian, a Kannadiga and a Brahmin.
But my views are not based upon anybody else's views and they are all my own.... People who might read this article has to understand that this is not a TODO list.
:)
Genie
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